Death in The Netherlands

I had never thought about it before but the way people face death and the way we honor our loved ones in the moment of saying our goodbyes is also part of a people's culture. So it's with a tear in my eye and with my heart tight that I write to share how death is experienced in The Netherlands...

The husband of an ex-colleague of Carlos suddenly passed from a heart attack and we wanted to show her our support so we went to the service in the crematorium.

It seems Dutch people face death as part of life, as we all should, after all that's the only thing we have for sure in life!

In this case the service was in the crematorium and we never been in one before, we weren't sure if there was a mass or some kind of ceremony.

We went there a little bit earlier and the place was already packed with family and friends wanting to pay their respects.

Weird concept for me was that they had a respects registration which consisted in cards where people could write their name and address. I guess that helps remembering who was at the service or maybe they want to send a postal card or something afterwards. I really didn't want to do that, I had the feelling I was giving extra trouble for being there... :S

I wasn't looking at the clock but I think at the time scheduled they let people in to see the open coffin if they wanted. After a while they closed the doors and opened them again briefly afterwards.

It was a big room with chairs in aisles forming a corridor to the now closed coffin with a small stage behind and a big screen showing a picture of the deceased.

There were several people talking about the deceased and telling funny episodes of his life, some put tears in my eyes even with my medium dutch skills. But I'm a sensitive person, I start imagining how would it be if it were me or if I should write down how I would like my funeral to be and I can't stop feeling bad... I was struggling the hole time to stop this non sense thoughts! Between speakers they had pictures of so special moments... it really teared me in pieces and I couldn't stop tears from falling.

In the end I didn't even pay my respects to my friend because there were so many people and I was afraid I would start crying for her pain and would tear her apart too. And that's what I always do... still not this time that I could change the way I act in memorial services.... :(((

Another peculiarity is that they actually make cards saying where the service will be and to join for coffee/tea afterwards.